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Gigi Gorgeous has opened up about her struggles to conceive a child with her fiancee Nats Getty in a candid YouTube video, in which she explained she hasn't had gender confirmation surgery and thus still has male genitalia.
Ther, 26, said the issue has been weighing 'really heavily' on her and that she had decided to finally face her fear of broaching the topic after watching anotherr's video about pregnancy, which prompted her to record her own.
Gigi and 25-year-old Nats, who is an heir to the Getty oil fortune, became engaged in March this year and have been trying to start a family, which is something Gigi has always dreamed of.
Talk: Gigi Gorgeous has opened up about her struggles to conceive a child with her fiancee Nats Getty (pictured together in July) in a candid video
Topic: Ther, 26, also opened up about her transition, explaining that she still has male genitalia and has yet to undergo gender confirmation surgery
'Being transgender, obviously, it's a lot different with pregnancy, the whole topic in general,' Gigi said. 'I don't even really like saying it, it's just weird. It's this weird thing for me.'
She explained that she never thought she would one day find herself in a committed relationship and talking about children, even though she had been longing to have those experiences.
'I've always wanted to get married,' she said in the emotional video. 'I've always wanted to have kids and have a family but I never actually thought it would happen for me and now that I'm here it's like, "Fk."'
Gigi explained that the subject remains 'very touchy' for her and that while she and Nats have 'taken some steps' to have children, she is 'too scared to follow through' at the moment.
'I know genetic women have troubles with their pregnancy and getting pregnant and not even being able to have children or having, God forbid, miscarriages and things like that,' she added.
'But for me being trans, it's not even a possibility to get pregnant. I wasn't born with a uterus or a vagina or any of the working parts that gives you a babushka right? Like, I can't give birth to my own child. We know that.'
That situation, Gigi said, has left her feeling 'inferior', to some extent, to women who are able to bear their own children.
'I feel as much, if not more so, than a genetic woman — and that's not comparing, that's how I felt even before I came out as transgender,' she said. 'It's such an unfair thing to me and some days I just get so frustrated and so angry that I can't just go through that, because childbirth and being pregnant is something that I've always wanted.
'I feel like you feel the most feminine, you look the most feminine, your baby is yours, it has your DNA, you're holding onto it, you become a mother and it's just everything that I want and it's everything that I want for my relationship with Nats.'
Anxiety: Gigi teared up while noting the subject remains 'very touchy' for her, explaining that while she and Nats have 'taken steps' to have kids, she's been 'too scared to follow through'
Couple: Gigi and 25-year-old Nats, who is an heir to the Getty oil fortune, became engaged in March this year and have been trying to start a family
Dreams: Gigi said she has always wanted to have biological children but never thought she would one day be in a position to start a family
Gigi then braced herself as she continued to detail her personal journey, adding: 'I have not had a sex change yet. It's something that I have held off on doing.
'I thought that I needed sexual reassignment surgery, or as they call it now sexual confirmation surgery. I thought I needed that right away, as soon as possible. But when I started living my life, my womanhood, I started feeling really feminine, I started being like, "You know what? I don't need to do it right away. I don't need to do it as soon as I thought I needed to do it. It can wait a little bit. I can live my life with what I have for a couple more months or a year."
'But that year turned into years. And now I've still not gotten the surgery and it's not because I can't. I could get it tomorrow if I wanted.
'It is a very, very, very scary, intense surgery obviously, a sex change is probably one of the craziest things you can do to your body.'
Gigi then explained that she and Nats had been trying to conceive a child, telling her viewers: 'I mean, we weren't really physically, actively trying on her cycle and really looking into it that much like crazy, but we were trying if you know what I mean and we had had no luck whatsoever.'
Ther also explained that she had always intended to get her sperm frozen but had never gotten around to it and kept putting it off.
'Just like getting a sex change, I had just never really gotten around to doing it because it made me feel like less of a woman, it made me feel de-feminized,' she said.
'And it's not like that was enough for me not to do it, it's just that I kept putting it off. I kept finding reasons to put it off. I never really thought that it would be an issue because I am young and because I am healthy.'
Candid: Ther braced herself as she continued to detail her personal journey, adding: 'I have not had a sex change yet. It's something that I have held off on doing'
Struggles: Gigi detailed how she and Nats went to see a fertility specialist, which was an excruciating experience for her
But after struggling to conceive, she and Nats went to see a specialist to freeze their sperm and eggs in order to have a child later, which Gigi said was 'one of the most embarrassing situations' she has ever had to face.
'Nats and I are sitting there in the waiting room and this is where there's couples,' she recounted. 'There's, like, man and woman couples. And they're basically there for the reason of freezing their eggs and freezing their sperm because they are getting older or whatever reason.'
During her 'awkward' time in the waiting room, Gigi worried about having to tell the doctor that she's transgender and has sperm, not eggs.
She squeezed Nats' hand under the desk while the doctor gave them her 'spiel' about freezing eggs and sperm, making it clear that she believed both Gigi and Nats would be providing eggs.
Gigi, who felt 'scared' while facing the doctor, finally asked: 'What does the situation look like if I'm transgender and I have sperm and she has eggs?'
The doctor, according to Gigi, replied: 'Oh! Ooooh. Oooooooh. OK. So for you it's a lot easier.'
'And I'm like, "Oh my God, great. Call me a man, why don't you,"' Gigi added in her video.
The doctor then handed Gigi and Nats a different folder each and told them they could make another appointment to return to the facility, which they did.
'I felt so awkward and so de-feminized,' Gigi said, looking back on the appointment. 'And I felt like so much less of a woman than I'm used to feeling in my every day life and in my fg body and soul and brain and heart.'
Delay: Gigi explained that she and Nats ended up not going to their follow-up appointment and haven't made one yet
Personal: As for her decision not to discuss her postponing her gender confirmation surgery prior to that video, Gigi explained: 'Not every transgender person needs one'
Nats and Gigi had to wait two weeks before their follow-up appointment, during which Gigi said she was haunted by something the doctor had said, telling her that hormone replacement therapy can leave transgender women unable to conceive.
'When she said that I gagged, because I've been on hormones now for probably four years,' Gigi said.
When testes are exposed to estrogen for a long time, research suggests that testicular damage can occur, according to the Center of Excellence for Transgender Health. There is currently a lack of research about whether the situation can be reversed.
The most successful way for transgender women to ensure they will be able to conceive, according to the center, is to freeze their sperm before beginning hormonal therapy.
Gigi explained that she and Nats ended up not going to their follow-up appointment and haven't made one yet, and that she feared she would end up beating herself up for not freezing her sperm earlier if it turned out she was unable to have a child.
She pledged to eventually do it and expressed the hope that addressing the issue in one of her videos would give her the strength to go back and find out more.
While she is not opposed to looking into adoption, Gigi explained that from a personal standpoint, she has always envisioned herself having biological children.
As for her decision not to discuss her postponing her gender confirmation surgery prior to that video, Gigi explained: 'Not every transgender person needs one. I just felt like it was unfair to give that precedent, like, "I've had this, this and this done and also my sex change."
'It doesn't matter because everyone's transition looks different. I didn't want to be biased or anything like that. What's between your legs is your business.'
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